From fatigue to envy to consumerism saving the day?

Is it better to feel baby-stuff fatigue? Or baby-stuff envy?

Last week I was freaked out by the amount of stuff we supposedly need in order to bring a baby up (and out).

But my relationship to stuff has apparently changed.

I have visited a most excellent nursery (Kate and Jason's work for Ivy Cat). I was happy to see boxes and baskets tucked into shelves. Because we will be doing the same kind of creative storage for Ginger. As well, Kate had hung very very very old baby girl clothes on the wall. Whimsical and practical, all in one room.

I checked up on Kitty and Abel's progress with their nursery: BRIGHT colors (c'mon, better by, he's Brazilian!) and jungle theme (Tullulah Flora will spend half of her time in Bahia, Brazil, so she might was well get used to the topical goodness starting as soon as she comes out!). The crib and changing table (yes, I know what a changing table looks like on sight now.) are BRIGHT WHITE. The room is wonderful.

And I heard about Micheal and Lan's first and best find for their little man: a 1940s style bassinet. Wicker! Not lead paint! (Michael had it tested. We love our dads-to-be.)

We do not have a room to turn into a nursery. We just don't. I joked, perhaps defensively, that I'm just too damn selfish to give up all my clothes/junk/books/necklaces/trinkets. And Ross said, no.

"You need an office. You have to have somewhere to work."

"Oh, yeah! I bring home the money!"

In our mini-house, we just don't have room for a baby room. Which is 100 percent fine with me. Almost always. Except when I see the awesomeness (resources: time, money, creativity) that my lady friends and baby daddies have poured into their baby spaces and baby things. Envious? Maybe, yeah. A little concerned about finances? Um, I maybe should be, but I've got savings and investments all set up for this coming year. So I don't think that's what the funny feeling is from.

Straight up jealous in a consumer/feed-me-more-material-goods kinda way? Prob'ly, for sure, ues. Cause I feel the same way when I hear about a friend buying a nice house in San Francisco. Or when I play with someone's iPod.

Time to hit Craigslist for a bassinet/crib/play pen. And maybe, just maybe, time to buy an iPod. I'm due for an upgrade at the end of August...

(Photo: Me and Micheal's father, another Michael, soon to be Grandpa. His belly is bigger than mine.)

33 weeks, but who's counting? (I totally am, at this point!)

33 weeks

"How your baby's growing:
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. She's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and her skeleton is hardening. The bones in her skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood."

I know that fellow pregnants Kate, Kitty and Lan are ready to go. Meaning:
For Kate, her due date is today! They've had their birthing pool up for weeks. She spent yesterday on the couch, in a bikini, eating fruit (it was hot in Oakland!)

For Kitty (due late July) "ready" means she and Abel finished the nursery this week, had a shower today, and got their final sono this week.

For Lan (due late July/early Aug) "ready" was yesterday, when she and Michael purchased the remaining birth goodies, ordered the birthing kit, and got all the necessities organized into bags, just like the midwives want it.

This week we'll get our goodies together, order the pool, ordered the birthing kit (yesterday!) and send out our final list of needs to friends/family who wanted to "get whatever is still needed."

"Ready?" Us? No. Not yet. But I plan to be good to go for week 36.

Back to the website's wisdom:

"How your life's changing:
As your baby fills out even more of your belly, lots of things might start to change: Whereas before you were sashaying, you may find yourself waddling. Finding an easy position to sit in — let alone sleep — is becoming more of a challenge. And bumping into chairs and counters is par for the course.

"You may be feeling some achiness and even numbness in your fingers, wrists, and hands. Like many other tissues in your body, those in your wrist can retain fluid, which can increase pressure in the carpal tunnel, a bony canal in your wrist. Nerves that run through this "tunnel" may end up pinched, creating numbness; tingling, shooting or burning pain; or a dull ache. Try wearing a splint to stabilize your wrist or propping your arm up with a pillow when you sleep. If your work requires repetitive hand movements (at a keyboard or on an assembly line, for instance), remember to stretch your hands when you take breaks — which should be frequently.

"Many women are still feeling sexy at this stage — and their partners often agree. You may need to make some adjustments, but for most women, sex during pregnancy is fine right up until their water breaks or their labor starts."

Achiness: Only after a hike or a long day out and about
Sex: Yes, please, thank you. Ross gave me a naughty book (The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty) for my birthday. I read a few pages. Bathed. Made Ross bathe and... let's just say that a while later Ross vowed to buy me the rest of the series.

Heat, fat arms and horse-like eating

(Cutey photo taken at my shower/bday/dadsday/bbq on the water. We are pregnant in that order. With my due date coming in at August 10 and Kate's June 28.)

It's time to gain a pound a week. That should be easy. Because I CAN NOT seem to eat enough. Several times a day, I have to admit, I grow tired of eating. But then I dig in again, and well, I really DIG IN. And swallow. And it is good.

Last night, when Ross called to check in before he headed home (in car, mine is in the shop so no shopping for me for a few days) he asked if I needed anything.

"Yes. I need you to go to Trader Joes."

"Um. Ok. Let me write this on my hand." See, usually, I say that I don't need anything. I do pretty much all the grocery shopping, and I can just fill up on whatever it is I think I might want. But this week, I've had a sore throat (snoring!) that turned into a couch and grossness to cough up. Which has meant my usual milk proteins are still in the fridge, awaiting my gaping maw.)

"I need hamburger meat. Chicken. Fish. Bacon. Avocados. Soy milk. Peanut Butter. And, um, a Corona."

Silence.

"Hello? Can you go to the store? I'm hungry. Now."

I ate two burgers very soon after that.

So, it's been a bit hot. Less hiking and general exercising. Fatter arms. My knees seem to be disappearing. And yet, when I get dressed up (ie: put on something that shows off the boobs and belly but isn't stained and/or stretched beyond decency) I get lots of "you're gorgeous" "beautiful" "glowing" "hot" "sexy" comments. Even when I'm stuffing my face with one hand and clutching a beer in the other.

I guess it's a look that works on me.

32 weeks! I plan to be 100 % ready (meaning birthing pool here, birthing kit here, stocked fridge, baby "necessities," etc. all in place!) for the little lady to come early. 36 weeks and I'll be thrilled to welcome here. Any time before that and I think I'll put my fee up, drink some wine, and tell her to hold her darn horses!

From the all-knowing website:

"How your baby's growing:
By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth."

Let's see:
Shortness of breath: Yup! The hikes are getting almost humorous.
Heartburn: Not so much, tho food does kinda come back up, sometimes. Yum!
Back pain: Not lower. Though an old stress knot is rebuilding itself in my top right back... time for a prenatal massage!
Pain during movement: Nope, but I make some funny noises when I bend over.

Still, it's all pretty fun/easy.

What the not so fortunate ladies are a'feelin'.

"How your life's changing:
To accommodate you and your baby's growing needs, your blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since you got pregnant. With your uterus pushing up near your diaphragm and crowding your stomach, the consequences may be shortness of breath and heartburn. To help relieve your discomfort, try sleeping propped up with pillows and eating smaller meals more often.

"You may have lower-back pain as your pregnancy advances. If you do, let your caregiver know right away, particularly if you haven't had back pain before, since it can be a sign of preterm labor.

"Assuming it's not preterm labor that's ailing you, you can probably blame your growing uterus and hormonal changes for your aching back. Your expanding uterus shifts your center of gravity and stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, changing your posture and putting a strain on your back. Hormonal changes in pregnancy loosen your joints and the ligaments that attach your pelvic bones to your spine. This can make you feel less stable and cause pain when you walk, stand, sit for long periods, roll over in bed, get out of a low chair or the tub, bend, or lift things."

So, yeah, I snore a lot lately.

It's something I read about early on in the "ohmigawd I'm pregnant!?" stages. Snoring. Lots of ladies do it, a lot more and more loudly during different stages of pregnancy. At first we are more snotty (in the first trimester I woke up in the middle of the night to blow my nose, fill up a handkerchief, drink some water to take the edge of the killer, three-month thirst, fall back asleep) and later, well, when I'm out, I'm out. And I snore.

Lately, I wake myself up snoring. As I regain consciousness, I can hear the tail end of one last monster gurgling, choked monster noise, I realize my mouth is drive and my throat is sore, and I begin to cough and gasp for breath. Because I have been mouth breathing/snoring so long and so hard that my throat is so dry I can no longer effectively breath.

Sleep. Snore. Cough. Drink water. Get up and pee. Do it all again.

I've asked Ross to wake me up to make me stop snoring. He says it doesn't really bother him (something about the pitch) and then admits that it's pretty useless. I just go right back to it.

Today it hurts to swallow. Heh.

And yes, I can still sleep on my back.

In cute, hey, the baby is coming, new, the above onesie is from one of Ross's clients.

And Ross has taken a bookshelf and transformed it into a piece of baby furniture (my idea! This is my contribution to creativity: I make suggestions/demands.)

AND: I received an entire wardrobe from two lovelies in my birthing class: giraffes! stripes! bibs! Soooo cute. Must take more photos. Our little lady is already pretty outfitted with 0 to 3 months. And tomorrow is the shower.

Time to clean the corners, the dish-drain swamp-thing and maybe hang up some art. The family will be here after 3pm. Eep!

31 weeks

And the weeks just keep on tickin' by. We should be ready ready ready by 36 weeks. And though my EDD (estimated due date) is August 10, I've been telling folks that she's coming in late July.

Wishful thinking? My last ditch effort to exert some control on what is about to be a newly out-of-my-control and chaotic life? Who knows. It started as as joke, and now it seems like the right thing to tell people. We'll see. I was six or so weeks early, which would be, for Ginger, coming in 3 weeks -- OK, NO. That would be too early.

Now, let's see what the experts say. From that website:

"How your baby's growing:
This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn his head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy."

--kicking: check!
--somersaults: prob'ly!
--weight: who knows how much she weighs, but at Ross's doctor's office I tipped the scales at 37 (!!!) pounds. I've never seen anything over 117, so, yeah. No wonder none of my pants or skirts with zippers, including those that I bought in March for preggo me, fit. Right on target, actually.
--kid is def. more substantial. When I bend over a bit and squish the tummy, I can feel, that yes, there are limbs in there.
--turned head: yup, says the midwives/doulas.

And as for me:
--Braxton-Hicks: oh yeah, especially at night or after any handling of the belly
--premilk: yup, it's fun to squeeze out the tip of the nipple... and this sides, where I used to have the barbells piercings. --nursing bra: this sounds like my mom/grandma territory.
--discharge (vaginal): yeah, well, it's all kinda different down there. Nothing scary or icky, just new, and changing aromas and consistencies.

"How your life's changing:
Have you noticed the muscles in your uterus tightening now and then? Many women feel these random contractions — called Braxton Hicks contractions — in the second half of pregnancy. Often lasting about 30 seconds, they're irregular, and at this point, they should be infrequent and painless. Frequent contractions, on the other hand — even those that don't hurt — may be a sign of preterm labor. Call your practitioner immediately if you have more than four contractions in an hour or any other signs of preterm labor: an increase in vaginal discharge or a change in the type of discharge (if it becomes watery, mucus-like, or bloody — even if it's pink or just tinged with blood); abdominal pain or menstrual-like cramping; an increase in pressure in the pelvic area; or low back pain, especially if you didn't have it before.

"You may have noticed some leaking of colostrum, or "premilk," from your breasts lately. If so, try tucking some nursing pads into your bra to protect your clothes. (And if not, it's certainly nothing to worry about; your breasts are making colostrum all the same, even if you don't see any.) If your current bra is too snug, you might also want to pick up a nursing bra. Choose a nursing bra at least one cup size bigger than you need now. When your milk comes in you'll be grateful for that extra room!"

Stuff

I'm a little overwhelmed with the amount of "stuff" that comes with/before baby.

I spent the afternoon at Lan and Michael's baby shower. Lovely day by the pool. Four preggos in all. Snacks and booze (I had half a beer) and kids and water noodles.

And presents. So many presents. They must have 50 onesies now. Really amazingly cute onesies and shirts for sure. But holy crap, there were a lot.

Ross and I made way for the piano (deal = I get pregnant, he gets a piano) by ditching old couch, coffee table, vinyl cave/stereo stand and bookshelves. We moved my couch/bed downstairs, bought a massive IKEA shelving system to hold all his records and all of "our" books. So there's a ton more room in the living room.

By removing the sofa from my room, we'll have room for the bookshelf we are converting to clothes/toy shelves and a cushy rocking chair thing that I can squirt milk on, study or sleep in.

We have a crib, but have not set it up and a stroller in the shed. (Thanks, Tracy and Goran!)

We have a chair/massage thing, that I think I can hang on a hook when we're not using. (Thanks Mike and Carly!)

We have a car seat in my car, that needs to be de-catified. (Thanks Kate and Jason!)

And I have a box of hand-me-downs, including at least a dozen adorable pink-ish things that have never been worn. (Thanks Nicole and Piper and Sander!)

And the shower/bbq festivities are this week. I LOVE getting gifts. I love the attention. I love seeing what people "gift," make, recycle, offer, etc. And I even had fun putting together the registry and list of goodies.

But watching Michael and Lan open all the baby stuff (bouncy chair, I want! play mat with oodles of toys, so cute! etc.) made me feel, yeah, overwhelmed. And I found myself wishing I could drink more than one drink, in a row, in quick succession, maybe even on a mostly empty stomach at the bbq/shower, to better handle the fact that all these gifts mean that baby being here, on the outside of my body and demanding all these things that I have been preparing for and in no way can ever prepare for, is right around the corner.

But, rather than get loaded while pregnant in order to deal, I'll make a list of who gives what so I can send out a thank you note that includes a print of her tiny foot. Or a placenta print. Sonogram? Photo of her sleeping on Ross's belly? Photo of me in mid labor, being all cave woman and stuff? Or more likely, I'll make the list, make plans to do some creative, sweet, original arty thank you note and not. quite. get. to it. For a while, anyway, after she is born, and is here, and is amazing and alive.

And none of the stuff, that we don't get, can't afford or can't find a place for, will really matter. At all.